What if Declan Kidney got the Leinster job? – The Interprovincial Hate Test

While the interprovincial rivalry between Leinster and Munster has intensified in recent years, mutual respect remains. But, are we as fair-minded as we like to think? Take either the blue or red pill to find out…

Munster fans:

Fact: Hardcore Munster fans are renowned for watching games beneath a banner so they don’t have to look at Leinster
  1. Leinster are in the Heineken Cup final against Toulon. Do you hope they win? (If No, take a point)
  2. Joe Schmidt refuses to play Peter O’Mahony in the back-row and Earls on the wing. Do you immediately accuse him of regional bias? (If Yes, take a point)
  3. Anthony Foley gets offered the Leinster job, and says in his first press conference that it was always a dream to manage the boys in blue. Would you still do him? (If No, take a point)
  4. Dave Kearney accidentally fly-hacks Paul O’Connell in the head, taking the lock out of the Heineken Cup semi-final. Do you think Kearney should be cited? (If Yes, take a point)
  5. Neil Francis pens another Leinster ladyboy gybe. Do you feel like smiling? (If Yes, take a point)

Leinster fans:Bomb

  1. Rocky Elsom comes back to play – for Munster. Do you feel used when he kisses the badge after scoring? (If Yes, take a point)
  2. Andrew Conway does an L sign in front of the Leinster fans after winning in Thomond with his new Munster colleagues. Do you shrug your shoulders and forget all about it (If No, take a point)
  3. Declan Kidney becomes interim coach of Leinster. He laughs after they lose in the derby and goes into the wrong dressing room by mistake. Do you want him sacked on the spot? (If Yes, take a point)
  4. Alan Quinlan becomes a pundit on RTE, Sky and TG4 for every Leinster game. Are you tempted to send Anthrax in the mail (or engage in a spot of trolling)? (If Yes, take a point)
  5. You have the opportunity to sleep with a beautiful woman. The only problem is, she refuses to take off her Munster jersey and insists on calling you either Paulie, Claw or Rodge for the duration. Do you follow through? (If No, take a point)

 Now tally your points.

0 – Probably a holier-than-thou quinquagenarian rugby fan. Owns very little hate, or is lying.

1 – Was either called a jackeen or a bogger growing up – shrugged it off to become a well-wisher. Loved the Munster musical, stage play and short film. Sings Molly Malone. Sacrifices all at the altar of the national side.

2 – Mild bitterness in this one. Felt Leo Cullen should have started more for Ireland down the years. Thinks Conor Murray will be world class. Still wants an Irish team to win the Heineken, regardless of jersey colour.

3 – Diplomatic in public, spiteful among friends. Gives credit to Munster’s Ireland stalwarts but thinks Zebo is overrated. Feels Owen Farrell should start ahead of Sexton for the Lions. Would love to see Earls at 13 when O’Driscoll retires.

4 – Easily riled. Travels to Thomond for the derby but leaves at the final whistle. Thinks Heaslip is massively overrated. Has ruined at least one evening with nasty arguments.

5 – Blue goggled, red-misted. Celebrates wildly and publicly when Munster/Leinster lose. Impersonates with D4 or generic country accent until told by own friends to stop. Burns car window provincial flags and shows no remorse the next day.

If you scored 0, you are well-rounded and lying. If you scored 5, you may already be practising your fascist salutes and handing out bananas to fellow ultras.

Eoin Redahan

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